life as it goes on

7th november 2013

it’s already november.  december stands still in the corner of the end of this year; remarkably significant to charming’s birthday and my dad’s as well.  i’ve been reminding myself to be emotionally ready for his coming birthday.  yes, i had prepared so many birthday surprises for him for all the years.  made handmade birthday cards, baked cakes, bought gifts, composed poems, arranged dinners and surprise tricks, and all.

this year no more.  not anymore.

it’s been seven months since he’s gone.  on the first and second months after his departure, i tried to anticipate on how will i cope along this first year.  i thought, i was just simply thought, at this period of seven months i will be getting back on track of my normal life.  thought i will become stronger and emotionally stable.

but i was wrong.

life as it goes on has been so emptied.  i’m tired of everything which is actually i am just missing him so badly.  i have lost the perfect shoulder that i used to cry on.  also, i have lost the hands who used to hug and pat my back every time i burst out.  the absence which take place is just inevitable.  no matter how hard i try to ignore, it still strikes me.  the lost should have made me cry double or triple than i used to do in charming’s arm.  there should be a very good ear listening to my rants and stories.  there should be the lips saying the perfect things, saying all the things i wanted to hear when i’m lost about life…  but…  it’s just no longer there.  evokes me somehow.  the truth of life as it goes on…

i now install some chatting applications in my iphone so that i can avoid the absence feeling from not checking my whatsapp or sms for every hours.  at first it helps.  but after awhile, i’m getting sick of talking to people that i don’t even know.  it’s just not the same.  so the apps has been abandoned at one corner on my iphone interface which  it has been updated to ios7 and i hate it.

nothing can compare to my charming.  he’s like my lucky charm, and always look charming.  he’s my forever love who departed from this world and landed safely in my heart.  he has been occupied all the rooms in my heart since before his death.  and even more after his death.  he, to me was never died.  he is the only man for me.  forever.

as life goes on, nothing could really change the way i smile after april the fourth.  i feel the God blessing.

thank you, Allah… 🙂

747 still my love :)

747 still my love 🙂



dear Charming, i’ll see you in heaven

dear God,

when You took him away
on that fateful day,
i felt so abused
i was aggrevated
i was weak
i’d slipped into the sea of a greatness pain
and alone drowned deep down in a sadness
being trapped into the hole of darkness
thought i’d never make it
when You took him away…

but it is enough for me
to feel Your Supreme in Greatness
by taking him away from me,
enough for me to understand
that You are the Withholder
make me bend on my knee
make me believe that You are The Causer of Death
and The Restorer of Life
make me surrender all my grieves to You
and cry in my words of prayers
when You took him away from me…

dear God,

no matter how long will it takes,
please let me be with him
one fine day
in heaven

dear God
please no matter how i have wronged
and sinned to You
please dear God,
The Most Compassionate,
The Most Beneficent,
The Most Gracious,
please let me see him
forever in the heaven.

dear God
please no matter what trials
You have for me in the future
for my future
please dear God,
The Creator,
The Maker,
The Bestower,
The Reckoner,
please let me find him
the moment i set my foot
in the door of heaven…

dear God,
no matter what You have gave me
i’m still thankful to You
because i’m a servant of Yours…

once upon a time, charming and his princess..

once upon a time, charming and his princess..